The Country Doctor

by Ivan Turgenev

One day in autumn on my way back from a remote part of the country I caught cold and fell ill. Fortunately the fever attacked me in a town with a good hotel and a doctor. In half an hour, the doctor appeared, a thin, tall, dark-haired man. He prescribed some medicine to make me sweat and quickly and quietly slipped the five-ruble note I had given him into his pocket, coughing a little and looking away as he did so. He was getting up to go home, but started talking and stayed.

Although I was exhausted with feverishness, I expected a sleepless night and was glad of a little chat with a pleasant and educated man. Tea arrived. My doctor began to speak freely. He was a sensible man and talked with energy and humour. Strange things happen in the world: you may live a long while with some people and be very friendly with them, but never once speak openly with them; with others you have no time to get to know each other but, all at once, you are telling them all your secrets. I don’t know how I won the confidence of my new friend – anyway, he told me a rather strange story. I will repeat it here for the reader and I will try to tell it in the doctor’s own words.

"You don’t happen to know," he began in a weak voice, "you don’t happen to know the judge here, Mylov, do you? You don’t know him? Well, it makes no difference." (He cleared his throat.) "Well, you see, the thing happened, to be precise, at the time when the snow was melting. I was sitting at his house – our judge’s house, I mean – playing cards. Our judge is a good man and fond of games.

"Suddenly, they told me, ‘There’s a servant asking for you.’ I said, ‘What does he want?’ They replied, ‘He has brought a note – it must be from a patient.’ ‘Give me the note,’ I said. So it was from a patient – you understand, it’s our bread and butter... But a lady, a widow, had written to me and said her daughter was dying: ‘Come, for God’s sake! I have sent the horses for you.’...

"Well, that was normal. But she was twenty miles from the town and it was midnight, and the roads were in a terrible state! And as she was poor, I couldn’t expect more than two rubles, and even that much might be difficult; perhaps it might only be a bag of potatoes as payment. Still, duty first: another person was possibly dying. I handed over my cards at once and returned home.

"I looked outside and there was only a cart waiting at the steps, with two fat – too fat – horses. Well, I thought to myself, ‘It’s clear these patients aren’t rolling in money.’ You smile; but I tell you, a poor man like me has to take everything into consideration. If the driver sits like a prince and doesn’t touch his cap out of respect – then you can expect six rubles. But in this case, I saw there was very little to be earnt. However, I think there was no help for it; duty first!

"I got the necessary drugs and set off. Can you believe it? I only just managed to get there at all. The road was dreadful: streams, snow and the river had overflowed – that was the worst of it! However, I arrived at last. There was a light in the windows; that meant they expected me. I was met by an old lady. ‘Save her!’ she cried; ‘She’s dying.’

"I said, ‘Please don’t upset yourself – Where’s the patient?’ ‘Come this way.’ I saw a clean little room, a lamp in the corner; on the bed a girl of twenty, unconscious. She was burning hot, and breathing heavily – it was fever. There were two other girls, her sisters, very afraid and in tears.

" ‘Yesterday,’ they told me, ‘she was perfectly well and had a good appetite; this morning she complained of a headache, and this evening, suddenly, you see, she’s like this.’

"I said again: ‘Please don’t worry!’ It’s a doctor’s duty, you know – and I went up to her, did whatever I could and prescribed a medicine. In the meantime, I looked at her. I had never seen such a face! In a word, she was a beauty! I felt so sorry. But, thank God! She was getting better; she was starting to sweat, she seemed to come to her senses, looked round, smiled...

"Her sisters bent over her. They ask, ‘How are you?’

" ‘All right,’ she answered and turned away. I looked at her; she had fallen asleep. ‘Well,’ I said, ‘now the patient should be left alone.’ So we all went out on tiptoe; only a maid remained in case she was wanted.

"In the living room, there was a samovar standing on the table. They gave me tea, asked me to stay... I agreed: where could I go at that time of night? The old lady kept groaning. ‘What is it?’ I asked. ‘She’ll live; don’t worry; you'd better take a little rest. It’s already two o’clock.’

" ‘But will you wake me if anything happens?’

" ‘Yes, yes.’

"The old lady went away, and the girls too went to their own room; they made a bed for me in the living room. Well, I went to bed – but I could not get to sleep! I was really very tired but I could not get my patient out of my head. At last I could not put up with it any longer. I got up suddenly. I thought to myself, ‘I’ll go and see how the patient is getting on.’

"Her bedroom was next to the living room. Well, I got up, and gently opened the door – how my heart beat! I looked in. The servant was asleep, her mouth wide open, snoring! But the patient lay with her face towards me and her arms thrown wide apart, poor girl! I went up to her... when suddenly she opened her eyes and stared at me!

" ‘Who is it? Who is it?’ I was confused.

" ‘Don’t be frightened,’ I said; ‘I’m the doctor. I’ve come to see how you feel.’

" ‘You the doctor?’

" ‘Yes, the doctor. Your mother sent for me from the town. Now please go to sleep and, in a day or two, we'll have you on your feet again.’

" ‘Ah, yes, yes, doctor, don’t let me die... please, please.’

" ‘Why do you talk like that?’ ‘She is in a fever again’, I thought to myself. I felt her pulse; yes, she was feverish. She looked at me, and then took me by the hand.

" ‘I’ll tell you why I don’t want to die: I’ll tell you... now we’re alone, but only, please don’t tell... not to anyone... Listen...’ I bent down; she moved her lips quite close to my ear; she touched my cheek with her hair – my head went round - and she began to whisper... I could make nothing of it... Ah, she was delirious! She whispered and whispered, but so quickly, and not in Russian or any language I could understand; at last she finished, and shivering dropped her head on the pillow. She warned me with her finger: ‘Remember, doctor, to no-one.’ I calmed her, gave her something to drink, woke the servant and went away."

"However," he continued, "the next day, much to my surprise, the patient was no better. I thought and thought, and suddenly decided to remain there, even though my other patients were expecting me... And you know I can’t afford to disregard that; business suffers if I do. But, in the first place, the patient was really in danger and, secondly, to tell the truth, I felt strongly attracted to her.

"Besides, I liked the whole family. Though they were really badly off, they were exceptionally cultivated people... Their father had been a learned man, an author; he died, of course, in poverty, but he had managed before he died to give his children an excellent education; he left a lot of books too. Either because I looked after the invalid very carefully, or for some other reason, anyway, all the household loved me as if I were one of the family... in the meantime, the roads were in a worse state than ever; all communication was cut off completely; it was difficult even to get medicine from the town... The sick girl was not getting better... Day after day, but here..." (The doctor paused briefly.)

"I don’t know how to tell you."... (He drank a little tea.)

"I will tell you without beating about the bush. My patient... how should I say? Well she had fallen in love with me... or, no, it was not that she was in love... however, really, how should I explain?" (The doctor looked down and grew red.)

"No," he went on quickly, "in love, indeed! A man should not overestimate himself. She was an educated girl, clever and well-read, and I had even forgotten my Latin. As to appearance" (the doctor looked himself over with a smile).

"I am nothing to boast of there either. But God Almighty did not make me a fool. I know a thing or two; I could see very clearly, for instance, that Aleksandra – that was her name – was not exactly in love with me, but was very friendly – or had respect or something for me. Though she herself perhaps mistook this feeling; you can make up your own mind. But," added the doctor, who had brought out all these disconnected sentences without taking breath, and with obvious embarrassment, "I seem to be wandering rather – you won’t understand anything if I go on like this... There, if you don’t mind, I’ll tell it all in order."

He drank another glass of tea and began in a calmer voice. "Well, then. My patient kept getting worse and worse. You are not a doctor; you cannot understand what happens, especially at first, when a doctor begins to suspect that the disease is getting the upper hand. What happens to his belief in himself? You suddenly grow so anxious; it’s indescribable.

"You imagine then that you have forgotten everything you knew and that the patient has no faith in you and that other people begin to notice how worried you are; that they are looking at you suspiciously, whispering... Ah! It’s horrid!

"There must be a cure, you think, for this disease, if you could only find it. Isn’t this it? You try – no, that’s not it! You don’t allow the medicine the necessary time to do good... You clutch at one thing, then at another. Sometimes you take a book of medical prescriptions – here it is, you think! But, in the meantime, a human being is dying and another doctor would have saved her.

"Well, in time, you learn to stand it; it's nothing to you. Someone has died – but it’s not your fault. But what’s still more torture to you is to see blind faith in you, and to feel that you are of no use. Well, it was just this blind faith that the whole of Aleksandra’s family had in me; they had even forgotten their daughter was in danger. On my side, I assured them that it was nothing, but in the meantime my heart sank. To add to our troubles, the roads were in such a state that the driver was gone for days to get medicine.

"And I never left the patient’s room; I could not tear myself away; I told her funny stories, you know, and played cards with her. I watched by her side at night. The old mother thanked me with tears in her eyes; but I thought to myself, ‘I don’t deserve your gratitude.’

"Of course, I was in love with my patient. And Aleksandra had grown fond of me; she would not let anyone in her room but me. She began to talk to me, to ask me questions: where I had studied, how I lived, what my family and friends were like, who I saw. I felt that she shouldn’t talk; but I couldn’t stop her. Sometimes I held my head in my hands, and asked myself, 'What are you doing?'... And she would take my hand and hold it, give me a long, long look, and turn away and say, ‘How good you are!’

"Her hands were so feverish, her eyes so large and soft... ‘Yes,’ she said, ‘you are a good, kind man; you are not like our neighbours... No, you are not like that... Why didn’t I know you before now?’

" ‘Aleksandra, calm down,’ I told her... ‘Everything will be alright; you’ll be well again.’ She would only take her medicine from my hands... she would lift herself up, poor girl, with my help, take it, and gaze at me... My heart felt as if it were bursting. And meanwhile she was growing worse and worse, worse and worse, all the time; she would die, I thought to myself; she must die.

"Believe me, I would sooner have gone to the grave myself; and here were her mother and sisters watching me, looking into my eyes... and their faith in me was fading away.

" ‘Well? How is she?’

" ‘Oh, alright, alright!’ Alright, indeed! I was going mad. Well, I was sitting one night alone again by my patient. The maid was sitting there too and snoring away; I couldn’t find fault with the poor girl, though; she was worn out too. Aleksandra had felt very unwell all the evening; she was very feverish. Until midnight she kept tossing about; at last she seemed to fall asleep; at least, she lay still.

"The lamp was burning in the corner. I sat there, you know, with my head bent; I even dozed a little. Suddenly it seemed as though someone touched me in the side; I turned round... Good God! Aleksandra was gazing at me... her lips parted, her cheeks seemed burning. ‘What is it?’

" ‘Doctor, will I die? No, doctor, no; please don’t tell me I’ll live... don’t say so... If you knew... Listen! For God’s sake don’t hide my real position,’ and her breath came so fast. ‘If I can know for certain that I must die... then I will tell you everything – everything!’

" 'Aleksandra, please!’

" ‘Listen; I haven’t been asleep at all... I’ve been looking at you a long while... I believe in you; you’re a good man, an honest man; I beg you, tell me the truth! If you knew how important it is for me... Doctor, tell me... Am I in danger?’

" ‘What can I tell you, Aleksandra? I can’t pretend you aren’t in danger; but God is kind.’

" ‘I shall die, I shall die.’ And it seemed as though she were pleased; her face grew so bright; I was alarmed. ‘Don’t be afraid, don’t be afraid! I’m not frightened of death at all.’ She suddenly sat up and leaned on her elbow. ‘Now... yes, now I can tell you that I thank you with my whole heart... that you are kind and good — that I love you!’ It was terrible for me, you know. ‘Do you hear, I love you!’

" ‘Aleksandra Andreyevna, how have I deserved —’

" ‘No, no, you don’t — you don’t understand me.’... And suddenly she held out her arms, and taking my head in her hands, she kissed it... Believe me, I almost screamed... I threw myself on my knees, and put my head on her pillow. She did not speak; her fingers trembled in my hair; I listened to her and she was crying. I began to comfort her, to reassure her... I really don’t know what I did say to her.

" ‘You’ll wake up the maid,’ I said to her; ‘Aleksandra,...believe me... calm down.’

" ‘Enough, enough!’ she continued; ‘never mind any of them; let them wake up, then; let them come in – it doesn’t matter; I am dying, you see... And why are you afraid? Lift up your head... Or, perhaps, you don’t love me; perhaps I’m wrong... In that case, forgive me.’

" ‘Aleksandra, what are you saying!... I love you, Aleksandra.’ She looked straight into my eyes and opened her arms wide.

" ‘Then take me in your arms.’

"I tell you frankly, I don’t know how I didn’t go mad that night. I feel that my patient is killing herself; I see that she's not fully herself; I understand, too, that if she did not consider herself on the point of death, she would never have thought of me; and, say what you will, it’s hard to die at twenty without knowing love; this was what was torturing her; this was why, in despair, she caught at me – do you understand now? But she held me in her arms, and would not let me go.

" ‘Why,’ she said; ‘what is there to think about?

You know I must die.’... This she repeated constantly... ‘If I knew I should return to life and be a proper young lady again, I should be ashamed... of course, ashamed...but why now?’

" ‘But who has said you’ll die?’

" ‘Oh, no, leave off! You don’t deceive me; you don’t know how to lie – look at your face.’

" ‘You’ll live, Aleksandra; I’ll cure you. We’ll ask your mother’s permission... we’ll be married, we’ll be happy.’

" ‘No, no, I have your word; I must die... you’ve promised me...you’ve told me.’ It was cruel – cruel for many reasons.

"Well, I spent the whole night with her in this way. Before morning I went away, feeling as though I were mad. When I went into her room again, it was daytime, after morning tea. Good God! I couldn’t recognise her; people are laid in their graves looking better than that. I don’t understand — I don’t understand at all how I lived through that experience. Three days and nights my patient still lingered on. And what nights! What things she said to me! And on the last night - only imagine to yourself - I was sitting near her, and kept praying to God for one thing only: ‘Take her,’ I said, ‘quickly, and take me with her.’

"Suddenly the old mother came unexpectedly into the room. I’d already told her the evening before – the mother – there was little hope. When the sick girl saw her mother she said: ‘It’s very good you’ve come; look at us, we love one another – we’re engaged.’

" ‘What’s she talking about, doctor? What’s she saying?’ I turned white.

" ‘She’s wandering,’ I said; ‘the fever.’

"But she broke in: ‘Hush, hush; you told me something quite different just now and have taken my ring. Why do you pretend? My mother is good – she will forgive – she will understand – and I am dying. I don’t need to tell lies; give me your hand.’ I jumped up and ran out of the room. The old lady, of course, guessed how it was.

"I will not, however, make you any more tired. And to me too, of course, it’s painful to recall all this. My patient passed away the next day. God rest her soul!" the doctor added, speaking quickly. "Before her death, she asked her family to go out and leave me alone with her."

" ‘Forgive me,’ she said; ‘I am perhaps to blame towards you... my illness... but believe me, I have loved no-one more than you... do not forget me... keep my ring.’"

The doctor turned away; I took his hand.

"Ah!" he said, "let’s talk of something else, or would you care to play cards for a small stake? It’s not for people like me to talk about love. There’s only one thing for me to think of: how to keep the children from crying and the wife from scolding.

"Since then, you know, I’ve got married, as they say... Oh... I took a businessman’s daughter. Her name’s Akulina. She’s an ill-tempered woman, I must tell you, but luckily she’s asleep all day... Well, what about cards?"

We sat down to cards for halfpenny points. The doctor won two and a half rubles from me and went home late, quite pleased with his success.